总体来说，文章结构及思路较为明确，后半部分的Lab等经历，建议从专业角度及广度上做一个平衡，并注意详略结合。另外，就是一些细节的处理还需要进一步加强。My favorite toy in childhood was a kit for circuits which looked very similar to the popular toy, Snap Circuits Extreme, sold in America nowadays I still remember that the first time I found that circuits kit in the store, I earnestly asked my mother to buy that kit for me as a present I was only eight years old at that time, so both my mother and I were not aware of the importance of buying me that kit to my future career path until several years later 铺垫过多，建议做精简。
原文：
My favorite toy in childhood was a kit for circuits which looked very similar to the popular toy, Snap Circuits Extreme, sold in America nowadays. I still remember that the first time I found that circuits kit in the store, I earnestly asked my mother to buy that kit for me as a present. I was only eight years old at that time, so both my mother and I were not aware of the importance of buying me that kit to my future career path until several years later. My story with circuits then started. The kit contained more than 50 pieces and I spent much time during my childhood in using them to create my own experiments and build over hundred exciting projects. In retrospect, it is obvious that my strong interest in doing work related circuits was developed from that period and my creativity was trained by that educational fun game as well.
In September 20
