中考英语书面表达常见错误分析(一) 审题错误

要点领悟
   与汉语作文一样,英语书面表达的审题也十分重要。审题包括此篇文章要传递给读者什么样的信息,告诫读者什么(即写作目的)。由于英语书面表达的篇幅很有限,所以要求作者在写作时要精心组织材料,紧扣主题。  
                               

 信息提示
  太白山是陕西著名的森林游览胜地。一年四季都有其独特的景色(scene)。不过,游览太白山的最佳时机是春天。每当春天来临,青山滴翠,美丽的景色吸引了许多游客前来踏青观光。可几年前,游人不注意保护环境,乱扔垃圾,攀折树枝花草,猎杀野鸟,点火野餐,致使环境一度恶化。请你写篇报道,说明太白山旅游环境的变化。
                              习作实况
          Taibai Mountain is a famous place of interest in Shaanxi Province. It has its special scenes all the year round, and spring is the best time to visit it. When spring comes, the days get longer and longer and the weather get warmer and warmer. Trees are beginning to turn green, and flowers come out. Everything begins to grow (1).  The mountains are covered with a lot of green tall trees and all kinds of colorful wild flowers. It is so beautiful that a lot of visitors come here and enjoy its beauty every day. But a few years ago, some of the visitors paid no attention to protecting the environment. They used to throw lots of rubbish such as plastic bags, fruit skins and waste paper on the ground. They don’t know that cleaners work from morning till night to sweep away the rubbish and waste things (2). Sometimes they broke some branches, picked flowers and even killed birds. Some even made fires in the forest to cook food. How dangerous it was! Luckily enough, the local government has begun to do something to stop polluting the area. Great changes have taken place here. New roads and nice hotels have been built; trees and flowers are planted around them. Visitors are asked to take plastic bags and put their rubbish in them (3).
                            

 精讲点拨
       (1)这一部分应当删掉。文章应围绕太白山景区的景色和环境保护主题展开,与太白山有关的春景可以略写,但不宜用太多的笔墨去描绘春天,这不仅加长了篇幅,也冲淡了主题。
       (2)这一部分也应当删掉。因为,这里批评了游客乱扔垃圾的不良现象,由于篇幅的限制,没有必要再去谈论清洁工是如何清理这些垃圾的。
       (3)这一部分同样需要删掉。根据上文不难看出,本文主要谈论太白山旅游区的环境污染问题,以及政府采取措施后环境的变化。没有必要去描述基础设施的变化。总而言之,英文作文中,应特别注意避免想起什么写什么,随意发挥,淡化主题。

精彩例文
           Taibai Mountain is a famous place of interest in Shaanxi Province. It has its special scenes all the year round, and spring is the best time to visit it. When spring comes, the mountains are covered with a great many green tall trees and all kinds of colorful wild flowers. It is so beautiful that a lot of visitors come here and enjoy its beauty every day. But a few years ago, some of the visitors paid no attention to protecting the environment. They used to throw lots of rubbish such as plastic bags, fruit skins and waste paper on the ground. Sometimes they broke some branches, picked flowers and even killed birds. Some even made fires in the forest to cook food. How dangerous it was! Luckily enough, the local government has begun to do something to stop polluting the area. Great changes have taken place here.

中考英语书面表达常见错误分析（二）文不达意

【要点领悟】
       在英语书面表达的提示信息中,常有这样的语句“可适当增加细节”或“可适当发挥”,但所增加的内容应该与文章相关。如果所“发挥”的内容与文章无关,就是“画蛇添足”了。
【信息提示】
       根据下面的4幅图画用英语写一篇短文,要求故事包括所有图画的主要内容,可以适当增加细节,使意思连贯。词数在100以上。

【习作实况】

One day, an old woman was crossing the street with a basket in her hand. She went to do some shopping. Just then a car came up and she was knocked down onto the ground. She was badly injured and couldn’t move. But to everyone’s anger, the car ran away as quickly as it could. The old woman had to lie on the ground and cried (1). Luckily, a man, who was sweeping the street nearby, saw this. He ran quickly up to her and helped her stand up. He was angry with the driver (2). Then he took her to the nearest hospital. There a doctor examined her carefully and gave her some medical care. After that, the dustman took her home. When the old woman’s daughter knew what had happened to her mother, she was moved deeply and thanked him very much. After a while the dustman left and went to do his work. The daughter thanked him again (3).
【精讲点拨】
(1)此句与图中提示不相符,应删去。
(2)此处加写这句属多余,也与图画内容不符。
(3)文章写到“...very much.”处已经很完整了,加上这一句使行文显得重复、累赘。

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