hi!I'mZhaoZiwen.                                                                 Iwasahappyboy.BecauseIhadahappyfamily.but,I'mveryverysadnow.Why?Becausemydadisn'thealth.hedrinksalcoholeveryday.heisangryeveryday.Mymomissad,too.SoIgrowupcan'tdrinkalcohol,Ican't!                                                                         I'monly13old,butI'mclever.Ihaveanobledream!IwantgoAmerica!Iwanttogotohavord!I'mconfident!HaHa!                                                                       MybirthdayisinJuly.Ilovebuildingblocks.Myfavoritefoodishamburger!Iwanthavealooktheworld.Theveryverylargeworld!
　　修改后：
　　Hi!I'mZhaoZiwen. MybirthdayisinJuly.Ilovebuildingblocks.Myfavoritefoodishamburgers!      
　　Iwasahappyboy becauseIhadahappyfamily. ButI'mveryverysadnow.Why?Becausemydadisn'thealthy. Hedrinksalcoholeveryday. Heisangryeveryday.Mymomissad,too.Iwon'tdrinkalcoholwhenIgrowup.Iwon't!  
　　I'monly13yearsold,butI'mclever.Ihaveanobledream!IwanttogotoAmerica!IwanttogotoHarvard!I'mconfident!HaHa!    
　　Iwanthavealooktheworld.Theveryverylargeworld!
　　修改教师：Andy老师
　　六年级:赵子文 ——作文培训，作文投稿，阅读写作能力提升，就来易优作文。