Target text（文章正文）:
Agree or disagree: It is more important for government to spend money on art museums and concert halls than on recreational facilities like swimming pool and playgrounds.
The two kind of thing that government should focus on mostly is people's mind and body. Therefore, deserved. But government should spend money on the recreational facilities or sports, because being health is the essence of people. Without it, people cannot do anything. Here are my reasons.
From low-age to high-age people, there are lots of sports people love a lot, like basketball, soccer, swimming and so on. And the advantage of doing sports, which can strengthen people's health, is different with spending money on art museums and concert which can improve people's mind, but it is more important because it is necessary for us to keep health when we are doing the daily work. Having a good health is the most important thing and the basic of every activity. <a hRef=htTps://WwW.euZw.nEt/MiNiFoRm.html>苏州中考作文培训</a>
In addition, there are more demand from health than demand from mind. According to a survey the people who are going after the art is only a small part of the population, they have a high-level life. But more than 80percent people are not eligible. So as we can see, build more recreational facilities can satisfy more people and promote society stabilized.
While as I said art and music can perfect people's mind and cultivate taste and temperament, there are just hold a small proportion. Most of people cannot attain that level. Art belongs to one of the high Individual demand, but we still can see lots of people cannot afford their physiological demand. So it unsuitable to build the art museum and concert. Spending more on the basic facilities shows more important and suitable.
These all point shows that it is necessary for government spend more money on the recreationalfacilities.It is not only good for people, but also good for society improve and peaceful.
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总的来说，这篇作文在结构条理及观点表述方面都有问题。分论点表述不够到位，不能引起一段论证。而论证无非也是一些车轱辘话，实际内容不够丰富。另外就是出现了一些语法错误及句子内部逻辑混乱的问题。在写作中，一定要注意句子内部逻辑和语法这些细节。建议多参阅范文做改进。
学习建议：
1、尝试用反面观点来进行论证。
2、写文章前先制定写作大纲。
3、写作是需要注意使用的论证方式，写好之后要回看修改。
4、注意论据和论点之间的关系要紧密。
5、论证方式要多样化。
6、注意论据要多用细节。看是否有更多的论据来支撑观点。
《托福写作批改点评 第10期:机经独立写作》添加时间：2024-12-14；更新时间：2025-03-09
